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| Thursday, November 20, 2008 |  |
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COUNTY DEPARTMENT LIST 
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 Domestic ViolenceUnhealthy Relationship CharacteristicsUsing coercion and threats: making and/or carrying out threats of hurting you; threatening to leave you, threatening to commit suicide or report you to welfare; making you drop charges; making you do illegal things. Using intimidation: making you afraid by using looks, actions, gestures; smashing things; destroying your property; abusing pets; displaying weapons. Using emotional abuse: putting you down; calling you names; playing mind games; humiliating you; making you feel guilty; making you think you're crazy; making you feel bad about yourself. Using isolation: controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read, where you go; limiting your outside involvement; using jealousy to justify actions. Minimizing, denying and blaming: making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying you caused it. Using family and loved ones: making you feel guilty about children; having family relay messages; using visitation to harass you; threatening to take the children away. Abusing authority: treating you like a servant; making all big decisions; acting like the "master of the castle"; being the one to define roles in the relationship. Using economic abuse: preventing you from getting or keeping a job; making you ask for money; giving you an allowance; taking your money; not letting you know about or have access to family income. Healthy Relationship CharacteristicsNegotiation and fairness: seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict; accepting change; being willing to compromise. Non-threatening behavior: talking and acting so that you feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself and doing things. Respect: listening to you non-judgmentally; being emotionally affirming and understanding; valuing opinions. Trust and support: supporting your goals in life; respecting your right to your own feelings, friends, activities and opinions. Honesty and accountability: accepting responsibility for self; acknowledging past use of violence; admitting being wrong; communicating openly and trustfully. Responsible parenting: sharing parental responsibilities; being a positive non-violent role model for the children<./p> Shared responsibility: mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work; making family decisions together. Economic partnership: making money decisions together; making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements. |
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